Talk:Marie Jeanne Baptiste of Savoy-Nemours/GA2

GA Review[edit]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Calvin999 (talk · contribs) 10:59, 18 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

Lorraine → Who are what is this? Link if possible.
The mother → As the mother
in the name of her son Victor Amadeus II → in the name of Victor
who was her husband's successor. → her, husband's successor.
At the time of her death she → comma after death
great grandmother → hyphenate
There shouldn't be any citation in the lead as this is an overview, so everything you say here I presume is present throughout the rest of the article?

Family and childhood

great grand daughter → hyphenate
grand daughter → one word, not two
This made her a half-first-cousin once removed of Louis XIV and a relation to most Catholic royalty at that time. → Needs citing.
Mademoiselle d'Aumale who was born in 1646. → comma after d'Aumale
Marie Jeanne grew up with her sister Marie Françoise, Mademoiselle d'Aumale who was born in 1646. → Needs citing.
She was styled as Mademoiselle de Nemours prior to marriage. → Needs citing.
As a young girl she frequented the salon of the famous Madame de La Fayette who later introduced Marie Jeanne into correspondence with Madame de Sévigné. → Needs citing.
Her father died in 1652, killed in a duel with his brother-in-law → In 1652, her father was killed in a duel with his brother-in-law
For the next several years she → For several years after, she
uncle Henri II the new →Comma after Henri II
At Henri's death in 1659 the → Comma after 1659
With two young daughters, her mother Élisabeth looked to her maternal family for support in getting them properly settled. → Needs citing.
Link Lorraine

Marriage negotiations

Her family wanted a match with Charles Emmanuel II, Duke of Savoy, who was the son of Christine Marie of France (half-aunt of Élisabeth). → Needs citing.
Christine Marie summoned Marie Jeanne, her mother, and sister to Turin in 1659 for inspection.[12] Charles Emmanuel showed a keen interest in Marie Jeanne as a potential wife. → Needs citing.
wife. However → wife, however
Having returned to France, Mademoiselle de Nemours → Who are you referring to now? Just stick to one name/title.
Charles' rank was similar to that of the Duke of Savoy and the match was pursued by Marie Jeanne's mother. → Needs citing.
She became engaged to Charles on 4 February 1662. → Needs citing.
by Queen Anne (mother of Louis XIV). → by Queen Anne (mother of Louis XIV).
What is Bar?
However, when the Treaty of Montmarte was signed two days later, the duchies of Lorraine and Bar were surrendered to Louis XIV. → Needs citing.
This left the duke of Lorraine landless, and drove him to join the imperial court. → Needs citing.
As a result, Charles backed out of the engagement. →Needs citing.
Proposals came from Françoise Madeleine's sisters but were rejected. → Needs citing.
This union was supported by Louis XIV. →Needs citing.
Marie Jeanne married Charles Emmanuel II on 20 May 1665[21] at the Castello del Valentino amid great celebration. → Why have you put a source mid-sentence and not and/also at the end?

Wife and Duchess of Savoy

In Savoy her name → In Savoy, her name
In Savoy her name was Italianised to Maria Giovanna Batista di Savoia and she was known as Madama Reale. → Needs citing.
the child's grandfather → comma before 'the'
The two sisters remained close all their lives. → Needs citing.
Prior to her husband's death, Marie Jeanne played little part in the politics of the time. → Needs citing.
In his reign, her husband carried out various improvements to the royal residences and left a great architectural legacy in Savoy. → Needs citing.

Outcome

While this is a much better effort compared to Talk:Amadeus VI, Count of Savoy/GA1, there are still sourcing and citation issues present throughout, basic grammar problems and issues with structuring paragraphs and sentences. Also, I sill understand why the Retirement and later life section for example has so many short paragraphs. A paragraph should be about 4-5 sentences long. The Issue section should be in a table, like on Elizabeth II. This is a better effort but I haven't even got to the five sections or the references yet, and looks what's already above from the three sections previously. I'm sorry but I'm failing this article. — ₳aron 09:44, 19 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.